Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
