Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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