My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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