it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
