you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
