He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
