I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
