At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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