i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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