i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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