Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
