all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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