Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
