I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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