you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
