Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
