Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
