My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
