but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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