your room smells of hookers.
And success
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
