We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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