you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
cat food counts as protein by the way
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
