I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You made out with two different species that night
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
