You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
