Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
