Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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