she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
