You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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