garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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