I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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