He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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