New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
