well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
