Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
