I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
