She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
