Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
