I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
