So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
