Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
