Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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