So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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