I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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