I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
