Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
