she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
only if we run a train.
done.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
