So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I'm having to shit out rocks
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
