Non-Jews are for practice
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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