If i come over, it means nothing
I heard we made out
we made out on top of his cat.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
