I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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