Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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