Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
