This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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