i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
