well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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