I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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